What the Doctor Ordered
by SarahTonin
Summary: Kiki Honda's anxiety has been slipping through the cracks. She was sent to the psychiatric office of Dr. Jason Karpusi by her boss in order to get some help. Kiki wants nothing more than to just push through it and get back to work, but with Dr. Karpusi, she might just learn what she really needs. Genderbent characters. Giripan. Fem!JapanxGreece. Changed some names.
1. Chapter 1

I really didn't know why I was here. I shouldn't be here. I'm not the kind of person who goes to places like this. I was more than uncomfortable. The chair was hard. I wringed my hands together. Couldn't I just go back to work?

"The doctor will see you now, Miss Honda," the secretary smiled at me. My eyes darted around the room. She had to say my name out loud? I was the only one there, but what if others could hear? I shot up nervously.

"His office is down the hall and to the left," she continued sweetly.

I looked down and nodded. "Thank you," I said under my breath. Oh no, what did she think of me? A person like me in a place like this. Normal people didn't go to places like this.

I went down the hall and found the room to the office. I stood outside of the open doorway.

Dr. Karpusi was sitting at his desk looking over some papers. He looked busy. It would probably be best if I just left.

"You can come in, Miss Honda," he said. His voice was calm and low, much like you would expect from a psychiatrist. His hair was brown and a little unkept. He was young, too. He wasn't wearing a tie, and the top few buttons of his white shirt were kept open under his black jacket.

I stepped into the room and closed the door behind me.

He looked up at the sound of the door closing. His eyes were strange color green, sort of like those old green glass shards you'd find by the beach.

"Would you like to sit down?" He asked. I followed his eyes to the couch to the side of the room.

"I-I'm fine," I muttered.

"You sure? It's a really comfortable couch," he said.

I nodded.

"Then, you won't mind if I take it?"

I shook my head.

"Good." He got up from his desk. He went to the couch and reclined on it. "It can be so exhausting to sit behind a desk all day," he exhaled. His arms lifted up to rest his hands behind the back of his head.

This man didn't really seem like a professional. Why was I sent to him?

"You can sit at my spot if you want," he offered. "Seeing as you let me have yours."

I hesitated before I took another step into the room. I really didn't know how these things went, but this didn't seem like the usual thing. I just wanted it to be over with. I went to the end of the room and sat behind his desk.

"There. That wasn't so hard, was it?" he said.

I didn't say anything. His desk chair was much more comfortable than the chairs out in the lobby. How could he work in a chair like this? I felt like the cushions were sucking me in.

"Do you know why you came here, Miss Honda?" he asked me.

My eyes flitted across his desk. His papers didn't seem to be in any logical order. A lint roller was on the edge closest to me.

"My boss sent me. Human resources decided I should seek counseling for severe signs of stress, anxiety, and over-work," I recited.

"But why do you think you should be here?" he asked.

I didn't say anything.

"Do you think you should be here?" he asked again.

Still nothing.

"Miss Honda, what was your purpose in coming here?" he said gently.

"I..." I started. "I needed you to sign off on a note that I came for counseling."

He held out his hand expectantly. I stared blankly for a moment and then quickly shuffled through my bag that hung from my shoulder. I found the paper and walked it over to him. I coupled the paper with a pen and placed them in his hand.

"Your hands are pretty," he said.

I was temporarily stunned as he scribbled something on the note. "Th-thank you," I stuttered.

"No problem," he said. He handed the note back to me with a smile. "It's my job to help people."

That wasn't precisely what I meant. I stared at the signature at the bottom of the page. Dr. Jason Karpusi.

"And that was all you needed, Miss Honda?" he asked.

"Yes. Sorry for taking so much of your time." I bowed slightly to him.

I immediately turned around and headed out the room. The note I needed was clutched in my hand. The secretary smiled at me as I passed by.

"Have a nice day," she said cheerily.

I couldn't say anything back. I couldn't even meet her eyes. I didn't need her pity. I just wanted to go back to work.

* * *

"Kiki, I thought you were going to take the day off."

I was in familiar surroundings again with familiar people and a familiar routine. My boss stood at the opening of my cubicle. She was tall, confident, and her blond hair was chopped off in a no nonsense pixie cut. After several years if working together, we were on a first name basis.

"I'm sorry, Monica," I said in a knee jerk reaction.

"It's nothing to be sorry about. I'm just worried. You need to get some rest," she said.

"I went to see him," I said vaguely. I knew she would know what I meant. I handed the note to her. The note with the signature from Dr. Jason Karpusi.

Her eyes read the note quickly. She sighed. "Alright. He says you're perfectly normal. Nothing wrong. That's a relief. Just try to take it easy, okay Kiki?"

The words didn't settle well in my brain. Perfectly normal? Is that really what I was? Perfect? Normal? I tried so hard to make it seem like there was nothing wrong, but...  
I had been staring at my hands as they rested on the keyboard for two hours straight.

* * *

"I see you're back, Miss Honda. Got another note for me to fill out?" Dr. Karpusi said with a gentle smile.

"I've got a few questions..." I said.

I came back. I can't believe I came back. Why would I do that? I wasn't required to come here anymore.

Dr. Karpusi got up again and went back over to his couch. He didn't lay down this time. He just simply sat with a huff.

"Fire away. We can take turns," he said.

"Dr. Karpusi..." I started. I didn't step near the couch. There was really no good way to start this. "Why would you say those things about me?"

His lips pursed together as he thought. He shook his head. "I'm afraid you're going to have to be more specific."

"On the note, you wrote that I was 'perfectly normal,' 'nothing wrong.' Don't... Don't you think I'm crazy?" I asked.

"Why would I think you're crazy?"

"Because I went to see a psychiatrist," I practically laughed. "Sane people don't need a psychiatrist's help."

"Everybody needs somebody's help, psychiatrist or not," he said. "And I don't think you're crazy. I've seen enough crazy people to know you're not one. I am a psychiatrist after all."

He weaved his hands together. "It's my job to help people, Miss Honda. I want to help you, but I also want you to realize what sort of help you need. Have you been having any problems lately?"

"Everyone has problems," I qualified.

"Right." Dr. Karpusi nodded. "But what sort of problems does Miss Honda have?"

"You're the doctor. Aren't you supposed to tell me?" I was beginning to get flustered.

"We'll try a different question then." He leaned back. "What do you hope to gain? What sort of person do you want to be?"

"I just want to be happy," I blurted out. I immediately pressed my lips together. That was a stupid thing to say.

The room was quiet for a bit. With a soft grunt, Dr. Karpusi got up from the couch.

"That's a start." He got a pen from a cup that held various other writing utensils. He started to write something on a small notepad. He held the paper out to me from behind his desk. "Call this number anytime when you're ready to talk again."

I reluctantly made my way closer. I took the paper from him and sorted it neatly in my bag. I stood in front of his desk for a moment longer.

"Dr. Karpusi," I finally decided to say. "There was one more thing."

He looked up at me. His eyes met mine and held them there. "Yes, Miss Honda."

It took a few seconds before I could break away and say something. My eyes darted to the floor. "You had...said something about my hands, too..."

"Ah," he said. " I find that the beginning to any trusting relationship starts with being open and honest. I said your hands are pretty because they are, Miss Honda. Hasn't anyone ever told you what a beautiful woman you are?"

I could feel my pulse racing and my ears growing hot. "S-sorry. I should go. Thank you," I said. I turned around quickly and left the office. Why oh why had I said anything? Why did I go back?


	2. Chapter 2

I could feel it starting again as I walked down the aisle. I couldn't stop myself. I was thinking about how my cousin had just gotten married. To a veterinarian no less. They were spending their honeymoon in Thailand, and here I was in the store picking out dinner for one. It was more money efficient this way, I tried to convince myself. Sure, it seemed like I was buying a lot. I was only one person after all. I could keep the rest as leftovers. To a certain point. If it stuck around for too long, the food would go bad, and then everything would go to waste.

My mother had called me again this afternoon to remind me. Of the wedding that is. My cousin, May, had apparently called her to tell her how she was doing. I didn't quite believe that, but I didn't want to believe that my mother was the type to call a perfectly happy couple on their honeymoon. She could be interfering, but an international call across several time zones hardly seemed worth it. She just had to remind me how alone I was. But not lonely. I didn't have time to be anything like lonely.

When I got home to my little apartment, I decided to make a cup of tea. My hands were jittery. I just needed to relax and calm down before things got out of hand. I could take one night to relax, right? That's what people wanted me to do anyway...

The tea felt warm in my hands. I could feel them start to relax as the warmth permeated and settled my trembling. I sighed in relief. I walked over to my bookshelf and pulled down an old manga volume. I had been meaning to finish it for a while now, but things always seemed to be getting in the way. I flipped through the pages. Nothing seemed familiar. I had no idea where I was in the story. I searched desperately. I eventually had to close the little book. I'd have to start all over, and I really didn't think tonight was the night to do it. Just another thing to add on my never-ending mental list.

I wasn't exactly hungry, but I knew that I should eat something. I made myself a cup of ramen. I sat in front of the TV as I ate. The news was on. I could feel a heavy pit fill my stomach as I watched tragedy after tragedy. Horrible things happen to people everyday. What were my problems compared to others? Why should I be so worried? I had a job. I had a place to live. Neither were that great, but they were better than most. What gave me the right to be so unhappy?

No. No. I just needed to go to sleep. I could forget about everything then. I hadn't dreamed in forever, so there was nothing there to haunt me there. I got ready for bed. I went through all the motions: pajamas, brushing my teeth, the works. I crawled into my bed and settled under the sheets. I knew I was exhausted, so I should just fall asleep. That was the logical thing. That was the natural thing.

But I was scared. I was scared because sleep never came right away. I was scared of the thoughts that came before the black. Every night was like an existential crisis. Another day, and I still wasn't satisfied. What did I expect myself to do? Get a better job? I'd have to go to school for that. I couldn't afford something that expensive. I twisted around uncomfortably. My sheets wrapped and restrained me. What makes me think I could do better on the second go around anyway? I did everything I was supposed to do. I had a good job. What more could I expect to happen?

I could feel myself crying again. I took in an exaggerated gasp as I tried to hold back the tears. No. No. I had no right to be sad. There was no reason. I did the best I could, right?

I started bawling then. My cries were swallowed up by my empty, lifeless apartment. Was this really the best I could do? Was the best I could expect is to be miserable for the rest of my life? I had to be satisfied with this? I was sad, I was alone, I was...

I don't know what made me do it. Maybe I was just striving for the biggest change, the biggest shock to my system to get me out of this. I tore out of my sheets and raced towards the counter where I had wearily placed my stuff once I got home after another long day. I searched through my bag. Piled under a week's worth of work was a little paper slip. I hurriedly uncrumpled it and typed the number into my phone.

With the speaker pressed up against my ear, I could here the ringing as the call was going through. The more it rang the more I calmed down. I could just leave a message. Have the secretary schedule an appointment. It was just one more little talk. No big deal. In fact, as the receiver took longer to pick up, I felt like everything just might be okay for the night. I decided as soon as the machine picked up, I'd just hang up and try to handle another day.

"Hello?" The voice was low, tired, and cracked from sleepiness.

I froze. Someone actually picked up? But it was...two in the morning. This wasn't regular working hours!

"I'm so sorry! I...I didn't think anyone was going to pick up!" I apologized.

"Miss Honda?" The voice speculated. I heard a soft, muffled groan from the other side of the line. "You really took advantage of the 'anytime' part, didn't you?"

"Dr. Karpusi?" I was mortified. He had given me his personal number?! "I'm so sorry! I didn't know... I'll hang up now..."

"Wait, Kiki..." he said slowly as his brain tried to work around his quietness. "Was there something you wanted to talk about?"

"Oh, um, it was nothing. It's really nothing..." I insisted.

"Doesn't sound like nothing..." he said.

I wiped at my face. Could he tell I had been crying? He could tell even over the phone?

"Do you want to tell me what's wrong?" he asked.

I didn't say anything.

"What did you eat for dinner tonight?" he asked offhandedly.

"Why...why do you want to know that?" I pondered, side stepping his question with another question.

"Curiosity. You are what you eat, as they say," he said.

"I just had some tea and cup ramen," I said, still not understanding why he would need to know that. He was a doctor I guess, but I really doubt cheap ramen was the reason I was so unhappy. It wasn't the ramen's fault.

"Hmmm, the tea would explain why you called me so late. Caffeine will keep you up, you know..." I could hear him yawn.

"Really, Dr. Karpusi, I'm so sorry. I was just going to call to set up another time to see you, and..."

"Oh!" he exclaimed. "Was that it? Sure, we can do that. How about tomor-tonight? Does that work for you?"

"Tonight? As in this evening?" That soon?

"At around six. You're off work by then, right?"

"Yeah, so..." I didn't expect things to get settled this spur of the moment. Things aren't usually that easy. "Should I just go by your office?"

"No. I'll meet you at N. 10th and Athens. You'll be able to make it?"

I nodded and then said into the phone, "Yeah."

"Great. It's a date. I'll see you later today, Miss Honda. Goodnight."

"Goodnight," I said. I pressed the button to end the call. I don't know what I was expecting, but that certainly wasn't it. Dr. Karpusi was a strange doctor, I'm sure, but there was a certain air about him.

I sighed and went back to bed. So, tonight had been another anxiety attack. At least it hadn't been at work again. This was getting out of control. The third one this week. The third night my thoughts terrorized me from going to sleep. I really wanted to get a handle on this, but...I just don't think I could face it in my own anymore. I didn't want to think I was losing it. I really didn't want to think I was going crazy. Maybe seeing this easygoing psychiatrist was the only way to keep my sanity. Afterall, after I talked to him, I was finally able to fall asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

"Decided to stay late tonight, Kiki?"

I stopped tapping my pen against my cup. Monica stood at the opening in the cubicle. The only light sources came from my desk lamp and the dim ceiling lights in the hallway. Even the light from Monica's office was out. I guess she was heading home. Monica always stayed late. She was the boss after all. I really had no good excuse.

"Yeah...I kind of have to meet someone later..."

Monica nodded in understanding. I needed a lot of mental preparation before I could put myself out there. Sometimes, that meant sitting by myself and not moving for a very long time. I needed to think of all the possible consequences to what I might say. It had taken ages before I could even feel comfortable calling Monica by her first name, and she was the person I considered my closest friend.

"I hope everything goes okay. Have a nice night, Kiki," she said and left me.

I sighed once she was gone. What was I supposed to do? What was I supposed to say?

The place where I was supposed to meet Dr. Karpusi was apparently a restaurant called The Odyssey. I was a little bit worried. I had never really had much Greek food before. What if I didn't like it? What if the food was expensive and Dr. Karpusi ordered a lot? I'd pay for it, of course, but if it was too much my budget could get more strained than it already was.

"Kiki!" I heard someone call out. I was a little surprised to hear my name. My first name, that is. Dr. Karpusi was standing near the entrance to the restaurant.

"Th-thank you for meeting me on such a short notice," I said. It caught me off guard that he called me Kiki. I had just gotten used to him calling me Miss Honda.

"It's fine," he said. He looked at me and then smiled.

"What?" I said, self-conscious about the way I looked. I had come straight from work. Did I look weird? I didn't have sweat stains, did I? I was still so nervous.

"We match," he said, indicating to his own outfit. "But you look prettier than I do," he said to be polite.

He was wearing black slacks and a white button up shirt just like I was. In no way did I think we matched. He was lying if he could ever think that I looked better than him. I was uptight and rather plain. He was relaxed and sexy. His shirt had the first few buttons undone, revealing a hint of his chest hair. I could feel my face growing hot, and my gaze went to the ground. He was your doctor, Kiki. It's totally inappropriate and disrespectful to think of him like that.

"Do you want to go in?" he asked.

I could only nod. He went up to the maître d' and said, "I have a reservation for two under Jason Karpusi."

A reservation? Then, the food would be expensive. I could feel my palms clamming up.

"Hey," Dr. Karpusi said, breaking me out of my reverie. "You okay?"

He took my hand gently. Oh god, my hands were sweaty, but I couldn't bring myself to take my hand away. Did he notice?

I was silent. My heart was picking up its pace. After a moment of collecting myself, I just shook my head.

He squeezed my hand kindly and traced little circles on the back. He guided me to our booth. He let me get up on the cushioned seat before he went across the table and took his.

"It's a good thing we met today, then," he said. "It's not a good thing to keep things all bottled up."

"Dr. Karpusi..." I started.

"Jason," he said. "You can call me Jason. It's not like we're in the office after all."

"That's the thing... Why aren't we there?" I started to wring my hands together. This wasn't a normal thing, right? Why was I so different? "Why are we here?"

"I was getting the impression you didn't like my office very much," he said. He picked up a menu. "Not that I mind going out. I like a change in scenery every now and then."

"I'm sorry for being such trouble," I said quietly. I slowly hid behind the menu.

"Why would you say that?" he asked with concern in his voice.

"Well...you had to come all the way over here...just for me... You probably had to get out of work early... And you probably couldn't see any other people." My words were getting choked in my throat. "God, I'm so sorry!"

"Kiki, it's really okay," he said earnestly. "I come here all the time. I like getting out of work early, but I didn't today because I didn't have any patients scheduled this afternoon," he explained. "Everything's okay because I wanted to see you too."

My breath came in as a sniffle. I wiped at my eyes. "I'm sorry," I apologized again. "I'm being silly." I was practically crying in a restaurant for no reason. I must be so embarrassing.

"Do you know what you want to order?" the waiter came up to us. I panicked I hadn't looked at the menu yet.

"I'll just have water for now," Jason said.

"Uh, I'll have that, too," I said.

The waiter nodded and left us. I picked up my menu and scrutinized its contents. I couldn't be caught off guard again.

"Have you ever eaten here before?" Jason asked.

"No," I said.

"The lamb's delicious," he commented while I studied. "The gyros are good, too. It's not silly, by the way."

"Huh?" Where would I get the notion that gyros were silly? It was just a sandwich, right?

"It's not silly to be concerned about other people. It's really quite kind," he said.

I looked up and met his eyes. His green eyes were so relaxed and earnest. I could feel myself get pulled in, so I looked away in desperation.

"Well, it is when you get too concerned..." I said.

"Too concerned? As in..." he searched for the way to put this, "having feelings for someone?"

"No, no, um..." The misunderstanding had me blushing. The conversation was insinuating that I had feelings for him. "I'm talking about when you're worrying about something that isn't a big deal. When there are so many other things to worry about and you just get stuck on something so trivial. And worrying about something that doesn't even matter makes you feel even worse..." I couldn't explain more from there.

"And what constitutes something as not a 'big deal?'" he asked.

"You know...the things that other people don't worry about," I said.

"Ah, and what makes you think that others don't worry about those sorts of things?"

I couldn't answer him. It was always just a feeling that I was the only one who had to worry about absolutely everything.

"Everybody has problems they don't want to share with others. Even if someone seems perfect, even if it seems they have their whole lives under control, there's always something they worry about underneath."

This was nothing new. How many times had I told myself this before? People had problems and that was okay.

"Are you familiar with Greek mythology, Kiki?" he asked.

I nodded. "I've read a few stories."

He smiled. "You see, their gods were terribly flawed. They made mistakes over and over again, yet the Greeks worshipped them. The Romans imitated their gods after them. Those gods became the theme of enlightenment and they still hold influence over us today. In their myths, they had power, but because of their mistakes, because of their character, they are still revered today."

I shook my head. "I can't compare myself to a god," I stammered out.

He nodded. "You're right. You shouldn't be comparing yourself with anybody, mythical or otherwise. It's your character, not anyone else's. What you've gone through, what you worry about, who you care about is all unique and a part of who you are. They might not be the same as everyone else's, but that's what makes you a person worth knowing and loving."

My heart was beating faster, but not for the reasons I expected. My mind was getting away from me, but for once, it didn't push me to the edge of a breakdown. All I had left was an exhilaration I didn't know what to do with.

"Do you know what you'd like?" The waiter came back with our drinks.

I looked up at Jason. I don't know why my first thought had been him. I opened my mouth but nothing came out. Both Jason and the waiter looked at me expectantly.

"Sorry, I'll just...have a Greek salad and a gyro please," I said belatedly. The truth is, I wasn't thinking about food. All I could focus on was Jason's smile.

* * *

"Really, you should have let me pay for it," Jason said as we walked out of the restaurant. The city was nearly deserted by now.

I shook my head as I put my wallet back in my purse. "I'm the one who asked you out here. I should be the one to pay."

"I should make it up to you then. I'll have to ask you out."

I nearly tripped.

"Are you okay?" he asked. He took my hand for the second time tonight to keep me from falling over.

"I-I'm fine." Did he really intend to say it like that? I don't think he meant to give me the wrong impression. My mind was just getting away from me again.

"There's this bar downtown I'd like to go to. It might actually help you to loosen up a bit." He had a gentle teasing smile.

I exhaled. So it really was just part of my treatment. I was a bit relieved to know, but a tiny bit disappointed that he really hadn't meant something more.

"Okay. When?" I'd have to remember to add it to my appointment book.

He smiled his breathtaking smile again. It's like all the air was pulled from me gradually like a seabreeze. "This Friday. 8 o'clock."

I nodded. I think I could remember that.

"Kiki, how are you getting home?"

I looked at my watch. It was late. The next bus wouldn't be around for a while. "I guess I'll have to take a taxi," I said mostly for myself.

Jason took his keys from his pocket. "I can give you a ride."

"Oh no, I wouldn't want to be troublesome..."

"You're no trouble to me, Kiki," he insisted.

We got to his car in the tiny parking lot. I don't know what I was expecting. It was just a plain black sedan. I had imagined him driving a intimidating sports car, I guess. He was a doctor after all. But so far, he seemed to break all of my assumptions about psychiatrists.

Most of the drive was silent. I just told him where to turn to get to my apartment complex. I sat in his car a bit longer than intended to.

"Is something the matter, Kiki?" Jason asked.

"I just... I still just don't know what to do," I said.

His hand reached toward me and smoothed down my hair. Did I really seem that messed up? "Kiki, you'll be fine. Whatever you need to do will come to you. You just need to see things in perspective. You have people you admire, right? See what you can do to help them."

I don't see how that could do any good. How could I help them when I couldn't even help myself?

Jason ran his thumb across my cheek, and I nodded. He was my doctor after all. I could at least try.

I opened the car door and stepped outside. "Kiki, one more thing!" I heard Jason call out.

I looked back at him. "On Friday, I'll pick you up at 7:30, okay?" he said

I nodded again. Jason smiled. "Goodnight, Kiki."

"Goodnight, Jason."

He smiled and drove off. I called him Jason?! Why did I call him Jason?! It was his name, but he was my doctor! But he had called me Kiki. He had called me Kiki all night. And he wanted me to call him Jason, too. I guess it was safe to assume we were one first name basis now. But...but...it felt so guilty to feel that good just by calling a person by their first name.

I went up to my room, and for the first time in a long time, I fell asleep right away. And this time, I dreamed.


End file.
